Not sure why I’ve been off the blog for so long. I think I’ve been going through a bad patch, feeling bad about myself, feeling sluggish, a bit fluey/queasy, a bit scared, a bit lonely, and so – in a Men are from Mars kind of way – I tend to retreat, to go into my cave. Its not over yet but at least I’m recognising it. Thinking about it – my usual coping strategies are missing. In UK I had put together a package of support systems to deal with shit. I was going to the gym 3-4 times a week, ashtanga yoga once a week, rock climbing on Friday nights, running, not drinking, shopping at Unicorn (Manchester’s amazing organic everything shop), a fair few buddies, and regular counselling sessions (Reevaluation Counselling or ‘co-counselling’ where you exchange time with other co-counsellors, switching between being counsellor and client at half time) plus the odd yoga holiday (Ibiza yoga) or sport climbing in El Chorro or the Costa Blanca.
Here my main exercise is drinking beer! And to be fair its got me through some tough times, but I guess its not that sustainable as a coping mechanism. And everyone is leaving. I get to know people, become mates with them, then they up sticks and fuck off somewhere else. It feels like a losing battle just trying to keep a few mates around. And money is an issue. I’m not quite sure whether I have enough money or not – which is a bit of a worry. Living in Dar has its pros and cons, lots of stuff to do but obviously the most expensive place to be in Tz. And why do people keep looking at me? You get used to it but jeesus it pisses me off sometimes. I mean if you went around a city in the UK staring at black people, theres a fair chance you’d get your lights punched out.
I really need to do something about it – my lifestyle I mean. I’ve just started to do an ashtanga self practice at home at the weekend – about an hour working up a sweat – which is good. And I need to either quit drinking or ease off a fair bit. That World Cup bollocks didn’t help. The evening games started at 9:30pm local time, and I don’t have a TV so I had to watch in the pub, which makes for a long day and a lot of beer drinking. I could really use some co-counselling to keep me sane, but cant find anyone locally, and internet access for skypeing has been prohibitively expensive, although today I spotted that the favourite internet provider had seriously reduced their prices. So I’ll have some of that. And I need to get some new mates who are going to be around for a while. I should make a list.
- get my own internet access and sort some counselling sessions
- ashtanga at least once a week
- go for a run once in a while
- make my home more comfortable to hang out in
- ease off on the beer / quit (yikes!)
- find some mates who are going to be around a while
Right – thats what I’ll do then!